just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
