Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
