what if every blade of grass was a penis?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize