Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
