you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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