Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dick has a subreddit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
