He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
