Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize