just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
