smell my finger.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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