Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
