Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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