A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
