I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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