people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
