ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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