He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
