I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
