Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
