you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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