I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize