Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
