Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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