Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
