THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
