Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
