Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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