Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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