ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
