i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
