What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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