Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
