Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
