I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
