saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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