I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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