I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
