when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
