I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize