i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize