somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
