i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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