i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
