took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
