She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize