Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize