I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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