upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
only if we run a train.
done.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
