why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
