if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
