She is in my trunk
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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