i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
