not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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