Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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