i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
