I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
