And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize