She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
