There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
