My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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