The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why do cheetos always look like penises
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
dude. I can hear the air.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
