any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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